I Love You More...How Little Things Make a Big Difference

download.jpeg

A quirky text initiated by my husband on 12/6/2013

Jamie: I have 7 pictures of you at my desk. And 8 if you count my computer background.

Deb: I wish I had a desk to do that at work. I only have a locker.

Jamie: I love you more, what can I say? I want to show you off more too.

Deb: I show our pics to anyone with eyes, how's that?

Jamie: I show them to people without sight!

Deb: I show them to dead people.

Jamie: I go back in time and show relatives that were dead before we were even born.

Deb: I put yours in a time capsule so our future relatives can dig them up and see them after we’re dead.

Can you imagine if couples did little things like this AFTER the honeymoon and into the future of their relationship? I’m talking random acts of love and thoughtfulness, without prompting, hints, or some “obligatory” day; like birthdays, anniversaries, or Valentine’s Day. Texting can be a blessing or a curse. But when used with good intentions such as this, it can be a very valuable tool in your relationship!

We’d only been married a few months when this text happened (together about 1.5 years; 2nd time around for both of us). We were always loving and thoughtful like this—until we weren’t. We take our relationship for granted every day; like most couples do once the novelty wears off. We love each other and have a great life together—not that it isn’t without struggles—but I’ll never forget this text and what it meant to me. It also frustrates how it all stopped once we got settled and comfortable in the “typical married life”, which is exactly what we said we wouldn’t do.

Here is another example when I speak of “the little things”

My husband texted me from Home Depot asking "do you want a coffee from Starbucks"? (for one, he doesn't drink coffee and two, I didn't hear the text ding because I had my head in the oven cleaning it. In a nutshell, I failed to respond to his text.

With that, he took the time to download the Starbuck's app to his I-Phone, figured out my log-in (I'm predictable plus we know each other's password tendencies), looked at my order history in the app, and brought me home a “Grande Cinnamon Dolce Latte! If that isn't love, I don't know what is!

I’m not going to sit here and say “marriage takes work”, because in my humble opinion, it shouldn’t and it’s a cop-out statement. It essentially means the two of you don’t work organically and probably never will, if you have to continually walk on eggshells to “make it work”.

my thoughts on how a marriage can thrive

  • Listen to one another and hear what the other person is saying. Check your ego, because a big ego is not sexy.

  • Listen when something you’re doing isn’t jiving with the other person and ask yourself “could I have been better”?

  • Own your mistake(s)—we are all far from perfect—and then talk through them. Even if it gets loud or angry; keep it light and passionate, not vicious (that part might actually take a little” work”—admittedly, we both suck at it).

  • Don’t get too caught up in yourself. By all means, love yourself and be responsible for your own happiness, but remember, the term “couple” means there are TWO of you.

  • Be a team player in the day-to-day throws of life. Share the household chores, cooking, budgeting/bill paying, no one likes doing those things and if one person is doing it all, that’s a recipe for unnecessary fallout.

The bottom line is this. Never stop being loving, goofy, or quirky and make your relationship a priority every day to keep the flame alive (screw the spark, go for the gusto).